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If you've ever
wondered why your brilliant
solutions to address a problem
weren't met with happiness and
acceptance, it's probably because
you didn't understand the real issue
and were trying to fix the wrong
thing.
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Conflict
situations are complex. They
aren't always about what they seem
to be about. People are trying to
satisfy different needs and unless
you understand what their needs are,
your solutions will be mis-matched
and ineffective. William
Wilmot and Joyce Hocker describe
this dynamic well in their CRIP
model.
1. Content
- What do we want?
The most
apparent need or goal in a conflict
is the thing that is most apparent.
It is the subject of the conflict,
the 'what' we're fighting about.
People either want different
things (what to watch on TV) or
are competing for the same thing
(two managers needing the 1
'headcount' or position that has
been budgeted for).
2.
Relational - Who are we
to each other?
Relational
needs in a conflict situation define
what the parties need from each
other, either how you want to be
treated (e.g. respect, appreciation,
cooperation etc.) or how
interdependent we should/will be
('Are you staying or leaving?" or
'This is none of your business'.)
3.
Identity - Who Am I in
this interaction?
Identity goals
arise when a person is striving to
maintain or protect his or her
self-identity. Sometimes as
conflicts escalate, peoples' need to
save face or be right and win 'just
because' become more important. When
self-esteem is at stake, it's hard
to be flexible.
4. Process
- What communication process
will be used to solve this
problem?
Will the
majority rule or consensus?
Will the boss/father/wife decide?
Will we take a secret vote?
People have varying levels of
comfort with different levels of
sharing of the decision-making
process. Men and women may be
more or less inclined to use
participatory decision-making.
Some cultures are more comfortable
with authority-driven decisions than
others.
In any
conflict, some or all of these needs
exist and it's important to
recognize their existence and
relative priority in the situation.
You could be ostensibly arguing over
the content of an issue, but
the history of the relationship
is clouding your ability to reach a
real resolution.
>> Did this clarify
anything for you? Drop me a note on my
Dream Leader Blog.
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